Tactical L4D2

I found this over on the Steam forums. It's brilliant:

Introduction:

Hello! MattL here, and today I'm going to share with you my guide to being a pro in L4D2. Make sure to read every one of my tips and guidelines, and always make sure to follow each and everyone of them! Suggestions are also welcome; I am always adding new things and observations to the guide!

First, make sure you always use the auto shotgun. Every other gun in the game is just a waste of space.

Second, make sure you never stick with your team mates. Hold your personal safety in higher regard.

Third, never, and I repeat, never give anything to your team mates. See two molotovs? Throw one, grab the other! Find extra pills? Use one, grab the other. See your friend bleeding out in the corner? F♥♥♥ him!

Fourth, remember, exploiting glitches isn't cheating. It's tactical.

Fifth, always walk up to the Witch. Make sure to dance around her and yell out internet memes, which will eventually cheer her up, and you guys can be friends.

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Sixth. Guy on your team is going to spawn as the tank? Kick him. If somehow the kick doesn't work, and your team mate doesn't manage to wipe out the entire green-healthed, medkit equipped team by himself with no backup, votekick the ♥♥♥♥er.

Seventh. Spawned as a Boomer? ♥♥♥♥ this fat♥♥♥♥, he's useless. Make sure to spawn as far away from survivors as possible and run at them without using cover.

Eight. If any of your team mates are incapped, execute them. They're slowly becoming infected, and their turning will just slow you guys down.

Ninth. Do not ever pick up a second pistol, or use it for that matter. Don't pick up melee weapons either, as they just slow you down.

Tenth. Never ever collaborate with your infected team mates. They're just out for your fresh meat, and in this world, it's the survival of the fittest. Also, if you see a friendly Smoker constricting a survivor, make sure you steal his kill. The ♥♥♥♥er's too much of a ♥♥♥♥♥ to finish their own kill, so do it for him.

Eleventh. If you don't own a mic, you suck. Period. If you do own a mic, be sure to scream as loud as you possibly can into it, or you might not be clear to your team mates.

Twelfth. When starting as a survivor in versus, be absolutely certain to run out of the safe room without grabbing any weapons, medkits, or waiting for your team. The infected will be too busy trying to take out 3 heavily-armed survivors at the beginning of a long level than to hunt down your lone wolf ♥♥♥. Remember, a lone wolf is a living wolf. Also, leaving the safe room or advancing through the map without your team mates knowledge keeps them on their toes. Anyone who's too oblivious to notice you make a charge for the safe room half a map away during crescendo event is dead weight.

Thirteenth. Make sure to incap your own team mates on Expert campaign? Why? Spy check of course!

Fourteenth. If you don't survive, no one will survive. Keep that in mind, and make sure to provide as little assistance to your team mates as possible while incapped.

Fifteenth. When faced with unbeatable odds, leave your team and commit suicide. You'll be damned if any infected get to eat your corpse!

Sixteenth, if all else fails, call the enemy team a bunch of, "stupid, nerdy mother♥♥♥♥ers," and then ragequit. Also, make sure to call them virgins, and insult their mothers, family, and friends. You end up looking like a total badass for yelling at people over the internet.